Archive for August, 2008

a ding and a dong

{ August 25, 2008 @ 12:49 am } · { thoughts }
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i’ve been living in fear the past few weeks. of losing everything i worked my ass off for. i worked so freaking hard for my happiness, for my sanity. now i feel like i’m losing everything. i feel like im slipping away into that land which i had worked so hard to get away from.

i do like msn sometimes. i can be cheering ppl up on one end while tearing on this end.

yes i’m fearful. i’ve been consciously trying very very hard to keep out of it. but it isn’t easy. it never was. and it never will be. these days i feel i’m losing the grip, the firm hold i have on my sanity. if there’s an easy way out, i want to take it. an easy way out of this messed up mind i have. bt of cos, not by taking my life.

i told a friend who was emo-ing, that i feel better when i think abt the things i’m grateful for. i do, really. but these days it just dont seem to work. haha. hope im not losing it. cos i sure worked dam*Ed hard to get where i am today and i’m not talking about grades or school or work or pay or whatsoever “materialistic” stuffs yea.

i noe i can do it. i just need a bit more strength. i guess. and more time perhaps would do fine too.

我的存在，是拿来践踏的吗？

dingdong

{ August 21, 2008 @ 11:29 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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i have run out of ideas for titles. seriously.

so anw, it’s been three weeks at school, my assignments have been piling up and its reaching the top of my cesspool, which means i really got to get started. esp for my AMX assignment for example, which is due tml, and which i have yet to start on. EEEPS!!

i am, frankly, surprised at some stuffs tt i have heard cos it just seems illogical to me tho. but then again, as i always am, i shall nt judge. i shall make a conscious effort to take everything in stride and nt judge or be largely influenced by any single event/person.

i will strive to.

no. we can’t.

{ August 19, 2008 @ 10:22 pm } · { random }
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what do you say to a person who told you: frankly, i do still think about you and still have feelings for you..

and how do you react when aft receiving tt kind of msg, someone sends u an sms saying: im very worried abt u..

i got both tonight. and i didnt know what to ans, but i felt all warm and fuzzy inside upon receiving tt second msg =) maybe we’ve just been tgt for so long, tt we can detect d subtleties in the change of language or diction stuff like tt.. but i was very very touched =)

we’re not a .. “romantic” couple, i guess. at least, not by traditional ways like the whole flowers wayang.. but i guess we do have our own little moments, like how we laugh at the stupidest things, or how we can talk abt my deepest fears and not fear being judged.. in the most unromantically romantic way, he has always been the one to support me and help me. maybe it was our unromanticism tt makes us seem such a strong couple in others’ eyes..

then he sent me this song: I can’t Smile Without You by Barry Manilow and somehow, my tears just fell. just like that. it is indeed touching to know that someone can be so unromantic yet true in their expressions… =)

doesnt change the fact that one sms did spoil my mood, or to be more accurate, make me feel very very unexplainably melancholic/sad. im all confused nw. this kind of msg always does.

he says: i msged u to see if we cld get back tgt..

no, no we can’t. we can’t.

random updates

{ August 11, 2008 @ 11:39 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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i am sun-burnt. =) bt im happy to be actually. :S went cycling at ecp tdy!! went in the water for a bit, but not much….. the tide was rising lar. bt anw, i had a great time!! tml’s school again :( i am sad.

i have dense friends. really. esp when it comes to male-female interaction with the people they have likings for. urgh.

anw, that’s their problem to worry about, i am in charge of listening and providing a listening ear and outlet for them.. hopefully, it will help them in whatever they need to figure out. tts all i have to give, and tts all i can give, tts what i will give.

been thinking abt problems, feeling melancholic, mood-swinging a little.. cant help it when memories tide over, cant help the melancholy when the memories come… but still, i am thankful for the experiences. i know i can walk anything out on my own. :)

another update (a month later)

{ August 5, 2008 @ 1:49 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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yesyesyes. finally. anyways, firstly, CONGRATULATIONS TO QINGXIAN!!!! wahaha. for being the fastest driver in asia for the f1 (grand prix) simulator challenge!!! =)) i dont have the details, sorry, other than the fact that he’s 90% gg to get invited to participate in an overseas challenge following his win! =)) congrats congrats congrats!! (sorry ahh, i was half asleep when u called so i was abit blurblur)

so anw, school has started…… gawwwwwwd. i am gawking at the thought of having to write at least 6 reports (short / full) this sem. and seriously, i do think i will diediedie for this sem cos of those stupid mods we have to take. (okay i just saw someone updating the blog in alien language. seriously. it’s alien!!)

so in any case, other than the depressing news that i will so totally die this sem, hmm nth much left to update i guess. cos my life’s just boring. -.-” :(

oh and i saw a frenchman brushing his teeth on the train ydae. yes. brushing his teeth. on the train. hes just weird la. bt hes so funny!! hahah. i got to get in the studying mood soon i guess. boos. jiayoujiayou!!