i have often been melancholic these days. maybe it’s becos the guys who were in my life have come out one way or the other, making me think of things that i no longer want to remember. maybe it’s the weird dreams that have haunted my nights and consumed my thoughts in the day. i [...]
Archive for June, 2008
melancholic days are here
Posted in thoughts, tagged melancholic, thoughts on June 20, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
cycling (or hiking… ???) at ECP!!!
Posted in happy, memories, tagged cycling at ECP on June 19, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
haha went cycling at ECP yesterday. rented the bikes at cycland (area b) at 1215hrs. HAHAHA. so we decided to cycle all the way to changi village for some lunch (had dinner at ard 4+pm d day before, and nth, i say, NTH, after that)
so we went out of ECP, and somewhere near the [...]
randomness
Posted in Uncategorized on June 17, 2008 | 1 Comment »
i wanted to blog.. but i don’t know what to blog about. maybe she was right. maybe i SHOULD start a chinese blog.
Happy Fathers’ Day 2008!!!
Posted in family, happy, tagged fathers day on June 16, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
i know this is one day late, but .. took me some time to get the pics onto the computer (and i didnt even edit anything!! gawd) so anw, ydae was a total and complete off-day for my parents. and that hasn’t happened in .. idk, YEARS!!! lol. so yea was glad i [...]
为什么，我们总要等到需要他人的帮助时才想起他们的存在？为什么我们常常将“要珍惜”，“要惜福”挂在嘴边但却不见自己将其中之意处处表现出来？？难道。。我们真的是非等到失去不可，非等到不能拥有，等到人事已逝，才会真正的去体会“珍惜”吗？
方才收到了一个人的简讯，有些许惊讶，参半的有些许的无奈。我们有过一段维持了两个月的过去。。没有与他联络，也有4个月了吧？游走在法律边缘的他，可不是又闯祸了？才刚出狱不久吧？6个月？8个月？这下可好，可能又要回去吃“黑豆饭”了。我有什么特别的感受吗？没有吧。。只是觉得无奈。游走法律边界也就算了，非得跨过去另一遍吗？非得闹到周围的人都为你担心你才甘心吗？其实也真的觉得自己有些可悲哈哈若不是他们有麻烦，要人帮忙，会联络我吗？会想起我吗？若不是他们的心中对我有非分之想，他们会记得我吗？
艺欣收到这些简讯时常常会觉得自己其实无存在的理由、无存在的价值。不就是给人利用吗？他们没有麻烦的时候，会意识到“我”的存在吗？
二十年了。。为了社会需求，我几乎时时刻刻掩饰自己（虽说在现任男友和重新发现的“锐”友人面前才微微露出比较“我”的一面）许多时候，想讲的话自个儿往肚子里吞。。可我有些累了。就那么一点。我累了。可是我偏偏又自作践，没有足够的勇气完完全全地摆脱社会的要求、社会的那狭隘的框框。
“我”的存在价值到底是什么？我是个称职的朋友吗？女儿？女友？好友？姐姐？妹妹？我。。到底有没有在每一份感情、友情、亲情里付出我的一百八仙？
有的，我有付出我的全部的。。我没有吗？只要是友人，甚至，只要是我认识的人，尽管只说一声，我一定在能力范围内帮助你们，我一定尽可能随传随到。。若你们有问题，我一定仔细聆听。。也许我做得不够多，也许我做得不够好。也许，我真的不能称得上是个称职的“人”。。
我不明白，为什么因为社会的各种约束我不能开怀的与自己臭气相投的友人一起公开的谈天说地，而必须躲躲藏藏的。我希望这个样子吗？我真的不想。他们。。是从小有人宠爱着的人。。而我，是从小就受排斥、从小被讨厌大的人。。我习惯受排挤吗？太习惯了。。除了初院以外吧。。初院的时间是我最被接受的时间，自然的，也是我最快乐的时光。懵懵懂懂的来到了大学。。。
我为什么不能够公开我的真实想法？我为什么必须时常戴着一个面具？面具戴久了，呼吸困难。那沉重的湿气，我奈何得了多久？我奈何得了多少？迟早有一天，急性子的我一定僵持不住。我到底在害怕什么？是，我害怕失去我所有的朋友。我害怕被社会之人贴上标签。因为我到过那里，所以我知道那里的痛苦、那里的一切一切不堪提起的事情。我到底是在圈子里，还是在圈子外？我是个在圈子里的第三者？现在我完全搞不清楚。到底要的是什么？追求的是什么？到底有没有要什么？有没有在追求些什么？
突然觉得自己很可笑。竟然为了继续保持一定的距离而对一个不太认识的人道歉。。”Sorry.. that keeping a distance is now a little easier than bringing myself to trust..” 我很懦弱。很脆弱。很软弱。
我需要它的时候。。眼泪，遗弃了我。
wad a day..
Posted in random, tagged grocery shopping on June 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
was supposed to be a day of doing my Amath, and reading reading reading. bt got a call in d aft frm qx to go out and buy stuff (basically be his “ah-sam” so he called me for the length of time we were grocery shopping). =)) haha. hmm i will almost definitely go out [...]
B-O-O-K-S!!!
Posted in happy, random, tired, tagged book shopping, grassroots bookshop, tcc on June 13, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
muahahahaha. yess!! bought a lot of books today! hopefully i will be able to read them … but yess they’re expensive (as a bundle : S$ 200.00 today alone!) but, when i buy books, im happy. albeit the fact that they are … “boring” books. haha. but, i see [...]
slack but tiring day :)
Posted in happy, random, tired, tagged happy, King Koil, new bed, new pillow on June 12, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Robinson’s is having a “storewide no GST” four-day “sale” lasting from today (12/06/08) to 15/06/08 (coming sunday)!! that is in additiong to the other discounts that are already on in the stores!
went to the pc show for a bit today. TOO crowded! lol. anw, ps bought 3games (one of which is with me atm!) and [...]
cravings
Posted in random, thoughts, tired, tagged human cravings, tired on June 12, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
nights do this to me somehow, sometimes. and some people too. i just can’t help but think: what do humans crave for in life?
is it fame? fortune? behind all that screen of materialism, is what we really look for a sense of belonging? a sense of knowing that you belong in this world? in the [...]
slack day!! =)
Posted in random, tagged pasta aid, pc show on June 11, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
it was a slack day. haha. but it was fun! dinner was, actually haha. mom and dad bought this “PastaAid” thing at the book fair a couple weeks ago, it looks something like this (not that nice of course):
but it’s the same concept and basically it is this thing that helps u make noodles. urmm [...]
