Archive for January, 2008

oh not-so-happy (but still very happy) day~!

{ January 31, 2008 @ 11:00 pm } · { friends, happy, school, tired }
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i was happy. bt my IE hung. then i lost tt last post tt i didnt manage to publish before my IE hung. so nw im a little sad. cos i dont like re-typing stuffs. (yixin is having a minimal motor function day)

in any case, it was a happy day today! on the overall, that is.  :)

classes were fine……… i think. saw jenna and carmen! hahahas. tts so coincidental (*i suddenly realise that my bro’s gf/fiancé is in his room at this very point in time!*) hahas.

and while linlin, emms and me were waiting for shanyi n xueyi, guess what we were doing?? o-hello!!!!  :D   dunno wad im talking about? this is it:

o-hello~!
yes, do not doubt ur eyes. it is o-hello  :)

so, guess wad we are doing at the bench outside the toilet at blk3?????? yes. playing o-hello.

not fair!
not fair! cos it was 2brains against 1! haiz. so it started out with this board: (im white, btw)

reversi-1.jpg
and lin is eating away my whites!!! haiz..

then it became this (at the very end):

37-27 victory
a 37 – 27 victory to me! hahahahahahahahas. ok. im nuts.

and then, worse came …..

tictactoe1.jpg
can u figure out what this is? no? let me give you a (very ugly) hint:

tictactoe
yes. tic tac toe. with reversi. oh my stars. lol. it was quite fun-ny lar.  :D

so anw, while we were at jp, i bought a new watch for 10bucks! so high hahahas cos the time n everything is in chinese. i.e. 子丑寅卯辰巳午未申…  :)   (the reason i didnt type the last 3 is cos i dunno how to pronounce so i cant use hanyupinyin to type it out on the computer loool)

looky!!!!
my watch!
ok, so cant really see lar. but the word on the inner rectangle is the 子丑寅卯 blahblah words.. and the pics on the outside rectangle is actually the chinese horoscope  :D   from rat to pig!! hahahas. so cool right??!?!?!?!?  :D

and tts abt it for tdy’s post. cos yixin is tired. oh my stars.

oh and, yes, :) thanks for meeting tdy. i had a great time.. really. i had fun. laughed a lot…  :D   n i really appreciate u taking the time out for me. albeit the fact tt we only shopped for perfume for ur mei, n had dinner, n pei me see doc n buy wrapping paper (despite ur being soo tired). haiz. *a sudden down*

in any case, just heard frm kuowei tt a poly friend of his passed away .. haiz. billy joel: ”only the good die young”. if you ask “why?” there are so many explanations. bt it will be too sensitive a topic for me to talk abt here.  :)  in any case, hope u’re not too upset abt it.. everything happens for a reason. if u find that reason, mebbe u will see things more clearly..

and my twin sista has just told me tt shes gotten back with her dear!!! oh my. im soooo happy for her!!!!! :) so happy for u babe!!!!!! :D all my best blessings and wishes to u n ur hunk!!!!!!  :D

yixin is hungry. and tired. n having a headache. n is sooo glad tt i can wake up late tomorrow  :)

*edits* yixin just realised hw funny the blog looks with little yellow faces dotted all over it here and there loool!!!  :)   :)  */edits*

CNY preparations: spring-cleaning – email inbox

{ January 31, 2008 @ 12:25 am } · { memories, random }
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yes my annual spring cleaning has begun!!! from clearing and getting my gmail inbox in order! oh my stars. 1015 emails! geeeeees.. re-labeled some, removed a few labels, yada yada yada. and i came across this:
“Dear NUS Applicant

Our records indicate that you have applied and been offered a place at the National University of Singapore (NUS).

We would like to request 5 minutes of your time in sharing with us your NUS application experience and reasons for accepting /declining our offer of admissions. The information gathered will assist NUS in evaluating itself as we move forward amidst several environmental changes and challenges. Please be assured that all information shared remains in confidence.

Finally, we would like to wish you all the best in your endeavors.

Please click here to participate in the survey. The closing date for this survey is 21st June 2006.”

oh my stars. this is sooo ancient! 21st June 2006!!!! oh my my my. i feel .. ancient. *dots!* haiz.

and check this out:
GESL2006
(307 conversations) —> oh my!!!!!!!!! i nvr realised lar. and 307 conversations does not = 307 emails. if ppl reply back to that same email , say, 10 times, it will still be considered 1 conversation. my gdness. haiz..

budden again, 1K+ emails in my inbox over a span of 2yrs is actually quite little when u think about it lol. of course, i only use my gmail acc for “serious” stuff like schoolwork/jobhunting/impt applications like sch app/job app.. :D tts why i seldom get spam in my gmail lol. and, btw, did i mention, i love gmail!  :)

and yixin is tired. yixin is going to slp soon. lets worry abt spring cleaning the rest of the house/room another day.  :P
goodnights, ppl ..  :)    (it’s weird how even scanning through email subjects / emails can bring back memories..  :)   )

coffee bean-ing :)

{ January 30, 2008 @ 10:47 pm } · { friends, happy, random }
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cant really say that i was coffee bean-ing legitimately since i was only at one branch of coffee bean. albeit the fact that we were there for about .. say, nearly 2hrs? or so? i don’t/cant really rmb.

*yixin just got shocked. my air-con sounded as tho it was leaking. oh my.. not again!??!??!*

anyways, really got quite an in-depth conversation. i really like talking / listening to my friends talk. i haf absolutely no idea why. i just like it. i like conversations. lengthy, in-depth conversations. i really learn more about a person that way. and ive learnt alot abt u..  :)  i like ur drive, ur determination, the fact tt u’ve really got a plan knowing wat u’re going to do nxt time. i respect that a lot.

tho im in a very specialised course right now, im still not too sure about what i really wanna do. ive always wanted to play piano/instrus full-time. maybe nxt time i wanna be like billy joel when he first started out :) playing in piano bars / lounges.. :) i wanna do stuffs tt’s music :)

*oh my stars. tt just reminded me of a certain someone. brrrrs. i noe u’re talented, but, i dont seriously care cos its not too much of my concern right now. it’s, (in a very very very bad way to put it), none of my business.* oh my.

i’m starting to watch my language (verbal + body) now. trying to change and stuffs.  :)

in any case, i think the lack of adequate rest is getting to me. my gdness. the interrupted slp (even with the help of atarax!) is not giving me enough rest. haiz. i think inadequate rest and the weather is making my body go haywire looool.  :)   im gg to get some slp soon. as soon as i can. haiz. tml’s lqm’s lesson! oh my. 2hrs of agony. and 2hrs of waiting. den 1hr of *urms* torture. haiz. it’s going to be a good day tml. haf faith. haf faith. as long as i have my friends around, its going to be a good day. :)

my first facial!

{ January 29, 2008 @ 8:59 pm } · { friends, memories, thoughts }
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lol yes i just had my first facial today, and man, did it hurt. omg. lol. i noe ive got horrible complexion lar so ppl with gd complexion, if u went for a facial and it hurt, can u just imagine how much pain i went thru jz nw? LOL. so anyways, it was so darned ex…….. omg. n i forgot wat i paid for the last time didnt haf enough credit in my bank acc lar sian. so pai seh luckily emms was there to help me out. omg. i am so freaking pai seh lar!!!! nw, all i can do, is wait for *ahem* to return me my money. arghs!!!!! *kill me just kill me*

so anyways i realised how much i really cant stand doing nth. when i had the mask on and couldnt do anything (even open my eyes!) i literally almost died. i mean, d-i-e-ddied. u cannot imagine hw much pain i was going through. this time, it’s psychological. kept moving around. both legs flat, one knee up, one knee down, flip halfway to the side (from the waist down of course), then the other side. the other knee up, twirl your toes… shake ur ankles.

omg. it was almost like a complete dance set with the legs. *dots!* (see, i’m trying to kick the habit of using this: -.-”) it was horrid. the not being able to do anything, i mean.

so in any case, i wish i’d been able to sleep cos then it wouldnt have been that bad. the not being able to do anything. tts abt it, nth new.

daddy is very worried. he asked me to go for a complete health check up lol. cos i been getting these gastric pains aft/during meal which he says is not normal. and, he’s been bugging me to go take a full health checkup for my blood glucose/pressure sorta stuff. i think i’ll just go there and the nurse will say, u haf too much cholesterol. *omg. tt means i haf to watch my diet. kill me. now* hahas. i prolly shld go n get some diet tips too lool.

tdy, the memories’ floodgates opened again. i noe being a po u prolly heard a lot of these kinda cases. but u’re not the victim. hw wld u noe exactly hw i felt? cos u’re not me. u wont noe exactly hw i feel. nobody can. cos only i am me. (sry, i amkinda existentialist) hw did u expect me to say it, to tell u? “why din u tell me?” this qn is quite hurtful i think. cos hw cld i tell u? hw cld i “just say it”?

i noe no one can tell tt such a thing’s happened to me. tts becos i shut it out of my life as best as i can. until at times like tt wen i see some person who looks like tt jerk. i noe tts not the correct way to face the prob cos im just shutting it out completely n not facing it at all. bt its the best way i can to try to move on with my life.

u can say tt i’m “just being paranoid”. bt this paranoia is so real. so real. and so hurtful.

did u noe, did u ever noe, hw many nights i wake up screaming, hw many nights i wake up with my pillow covered in tears, and trembling and shaking becos of the nightmares i get? hw many nights tt i cant slp cos once i close my eyes tt freakin’ jerk’s face appear in front of me? hw vivid d memory of his face n his touch is? hw the mere mention of him can literally make me puke? hw the memory of him can make me vomit and make my head ache and gastric cramp? did u ever noe hw sometimes i can stop in the middle of the street and tremble and shake with fear and start to cry/tear just cos i saw someone who looks like him?

i do want to get over it. *censored* its been 4+yrs and hell of course i wanna get over it. y i didnt report the matter, i alr explained clear enough. dont blame me for it. i haf my reasons. i think its mainly becos of this reason tt im the way i am. ppl always ask me why i have such low self-esteem. this is why. cos i still think of myself as crap.

i don’t wanna go through this again. i dont want to have to relive it. extracting myself from wad happened n trying to be the third person is hw ive dealt with it for 4yrs. n i think ill cont. doing it this way. cos its pretty effective. until the nxt time sth triggers it off.

i still daren’t look ppl in the eye. maybe it’s becos i feel undeserving to be at the same level as others. i still feel filthy. this is me. this event has shaped me to be who i am now. and this is who i am. im nt trying to gif u attitude, im jz saying wad is. wat it is to me. this is me.

*edits* it’s 2219hrs. im still having gastric – 3hrs aft dinner. omg. n jus ls-ed again. sian. hmmm might need another trip to the “loo loo loo!!!”  :D  (ref: mrs. chrispy’s twitter for more details!)  hehx. im a bit too high for a person whos been having gastric for 3hrs right? hehx. slp time soon. */edits*

today, tired day!

{ January 28, 2008 @ 10:38 pm } · { friends, happy, school, tired }
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today i was so tired n i didnt know why. maybe it was becos i had very interrupted slp ydae. kept waking up every one/two hours. haiz.. omg.. tt is NOT sleep k? i woke up feeling more tired than i was the night before. haiz.. or maybe it was becos i LS-ed 5times!!! bt i ate it all back for dinner :P   hehx. im just a very very very greedy pig *oink* :D

hehx. i was so sure tt id dedicate this post to YEP Surin, Thailand 2004. bt i couldnt get the pics so .. oh wells. in any case, i can safely say, those 16days were the best of my life. really. i loved those 16days. loved it. loved waking up before dawn, sleeping at dawn looool. fooling around with sabu! hahahahas. tt gal is the funniest man, my perky junior!!! hahahahahs. wonder how she is now tho.

P. Charn, P. Madeaw, P. Puk, P. Jued .. all of them! (cant list them all lar!) omg. i still rmb tt time so many ppl got food poisoning and me n perky junior ate the most roadside paus n ice cream sticks! in the end, perky junior had slight food poisoning too and me had to wake her up in the middle of the night to take her pills lol. and i was alright lar! omg. hahahahas.

tt episode was pretty funny. and they had to drink “shit water”. ok, rehydration salts. bt it smells weird n tastes kinda like shit loooool. i still laugh when i think abt it lar hahas. i was curious how it tasted so i took a mouth. bleaghs!! luckily i didnt haf to take it! wahahahahahs!!

so, some parts of it wasnt tt great either lol. like injuring my old injury again n having to sit out on the games n some activities. im still glad i went tho. still went for the rakki trip, still participated (albeit carrying around my cushion! and not being able to sit cross-legged for more than 5mins at a go, having to lie on my tummy for most meetings, blahblahblah) and dear dear dear Mr. Menon was soooo kind to keep laughing at me about it.  :)   and sooooo kind to keep imitating the gibbon call to mock my surname -.-” omg. lol. those were the days man. lol. it was funny and fun and it was paradise.

of course, it was also becos we were there “on holiday” so it really felt like heaven. i guess if we were to stay there long term we might not think the same way. but still, it was pretty cool. and i never can forget those days of my life where i really learnt so much. i really learnt so much so much so much. and i am forever grateful tt i made tt decision to go, and tt my family supported me in my decision for this trip. :)  

how are u now, perky junior? :)   hope u’re doing great. :)

will try to rest soon.. :)
*can tt construction worker please stop banging ur hammer against my skull? Thank you! It’s after 10pm I can sue you for that! if you do not want the police to get involved, please stop your construction activities right now. Thank you very much for your non cooperation*

sleep sleep sleep!

{ January 27, 2008 @ 4:05 pm } · { thoughts, tired }
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today is catching up on sleep day! lol. found out that if i wanna forget about some unhappy stuffs, i shld sleep. cos for at least a few hours, my heart wont try to wrench itself into a gazillion different “untangable” knots.

have been listening to ur “wo ke yi” repeatedly. mebbe im losing my hearing lol. idk. i really dont. there seems to be a lot of things idk nowadays. its raining. i love raining days. when the wind is howling, when the trees get bent left n right from the wind, when the leaves do more than just rustle in the breeze.. its peaceful, somehow. me loves looking at the rain. actually, me loves overcast days. when the sky’s so dark and it is so quiet out there. its different from at night. the whole atmosphere’s so calming on an overcast day.

of course, the poor birds have to suffer.. and the littlest creatures caught in the wild and open outdoors. lucky for my cat, tho, she always has this shelter to come back to after shes done frolicking. havent been able to take pics of her these days cos she’s always not around. bt i think her foot’s getting worse. it kinda swelled the past two days and we think it may be infected. havent been able to catch her tho. she always disappears like lightning recently. i wonder whats up. she cant be pregnant cos she’s sterilized.

*fell asleep thinking about u, woke up thinking about u. nvr had this kind of feelings before. disconcertion*

stupidity

{ January 27, 2008 @ 9:22 am } · { Uncategorized }
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yixin has been stupid. bt wont make the same mistake again. haiz. :)

thanks qx for the help :) n thanks to stilnox i got 7hrs of relatively peaceful sleep.. :) its my new best friend LOOOL. actually, i dont really want it to be. dont wanna be reliant or anything like that.

tomorrow’s monday again. hopefully i’ll see you tomorrow. really. i do wanna see u tomorrow. :)

tired.

{ January 26, 2008 @ 12:21 am } · { happy, tired }
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i am soooo tired. lol. actually, i had quite a lot of fun tonight lol. its a night of firsts. :) yixin is thinking.. maybe, just maybe, i shouldnt wait anymore. maybe, maybe i shld move on… :) im so tired. in the most literal sense. lol.

i finally had popeye’s with my brother. yes my elder brother. we went to pick mom up from the airport lol. but by the time we got to eat popeye’s, it was already cold. we had takeaways, see? so, actually, it doesnt taste too different from kfc when its cold. :(

yixin’s brain is not functioning. so im gg to slp. like, now.

uncertainty.. unsure..

{ January 25, 2008 @ 10:03 am } · { thoughts }
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yixin is confused. yixin doesnt know what to do. shall i spend time waiting? shall i just wait? how long must i wait? idk.. should i wait? ive been waiting too darned long i think. cant spend my youth waiting right? haiz.. but im unwilling to let it go just like that. no explanations, nothing. how? yixin really does not know what to do. psycho-ing myself probably doesnt work. been there, tried that, done that.

(just googled “Swiss Cottage Secondary School” just for fun lol. guess wad? it’s on wiki -.-” oh my stars. Scientiae Patriaeque Gratia…. haven’t heard those words in a loooooong long time lol. it’s our school motto. which basically means “for the sake of learning and for the state”. hahas. sounds noble right? sh*T. and i am walking the school’s motto *in a certain way* -.-” sheeeeesh……)

should yixin move on? and accept others? or should yixin wait it out? just wait and wait and wait. what should i do? haiz..

and yixin is thinking.. shld i purchase a domain? i mean, im just a casual writing person.. so quite pointless right? lol. bt i cant stand nt having a tagboard actually WAHA. haiz.. see how lo… :D

ive “finished” my report. didnt really bother to edit it actually. im too tired. and i dont think its long enough. but heys. >1000 words alr lar. should be fine right? hehx. trying to console myself onli and trying to rationalise my not editing it. oh my stars……

*shld i contain these explosive feelings? or shld i just leave it be….?*

孔子《论语》学而篇第一：
1.1 子曰：“学而时习之，不亦说乎？有朋自远方来，不亦乐乎？人不知而不瘟，不亦君子乎？”
（注：“说”在这里读作“悦”，有快乐、高兴之意）
白话：孔子说：“学得了知识，在适当的时候运用、按一定的时间去复习，不快乐吗？有志同道合的朋友从远方来，不也很高兴吗？别人不欣赏、不赏识我，但是我却不厌恨，不也是个君子吗？”
Confucius said: “Is it not pleasant to learn with constant perseverance and application? Is it not pleasant to have friends coming from distant quarters? He who feels no discomposure though men take no note of him, is he not a man of complete virtue? (ref: The Four Books)

eventful day

{ January 24, 2008 @ 8:49 pm } · { school, tired }
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firstly, smart little me had insomnia last night (of all nights) -.-” lay in bed at abt 11+.. n i cldnt slp. at all. so flipping ard flipping ard until 6am before i finally slept. thing is, i had to wake up at 630! omg. haiz. so wad happened? emms smsed me at 8:42am to tell me tt she’ll only reach jp at 9 so i shld go into sch first. and when i received the sms, I JUST WOKE UP. win alr lo. really. haiz. lesson starts at .. 930! haiz..

chionging in the shower n everything is still not enough. (fyi: i took 5mins in the shower inclusive of washing hair LOL. i still havent lost my touch :) ) left the hse by about 9-ish. called cab on the way dwn. cfm cab alr right? happy! den the cab driver called to say he didnt noe where the pickup location is. diao~ estimated time was 7-10mins. when he called it was alr about 5mins into the expected TOA! urgh. so in the end i flagged cab dwn (luckily for me someone gt out near where i was) n cancelled the cab. im evil, i noe. but heys.. haiz..

by the time i got onto the cab, it was 915am! haiz……

thanks to the cab driver (who was listening to hokkien CNY songs and driving super slowly on KJE) i arrived in school at about 935am! thank gdness i dont live too far away. as usual, dropoff at blk5. went to the lift (d-uh!) and tadah! murphy’s law comes true. (ref: murphy’s law states that “whatever can go wrong, will go wrong”) the lift is DOWN! omg. i really wanted to kill myself can? chionged up from b3 to L1 lar. luckily it’s only 3storeys………. haiz.

wat a day man. nw im friggin tired. and theres a report due tomorrow and i dont know what to write. -.-” shld i go slp first? haiz..

btw, looky this (lol!)
call me “emperor”!

hehx…

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